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Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Energetic Emotional Roller Coaster

The energy is just pumping and jumping right now.  Its seems that for the past few months the energetic roller coast ride has been getting longer and faster with fewer moments of calm and quiet in between.  I have written a few times before about various symptoms of the newer energies that our bodies and minds are getting use to, but the past couple of months have far surpassed anything I could of imagined a year ago, lol!

Beyond the physical experience of these energetic changes, the emotional experience has been rather exhausting at times.  As our consciousness expands, our emotions do too- ever changing, ever morphing as we follow the resonance of our hearts.  But beyond the actual emotional laundry that we are all going through, is the emotional release of our journey.  For the past few days many many people have been experiencing a HUGE outpouring of emotion- most notably grief, sadness, and anger and agitation.   We've been discussing this in one of the Skype rooms and some of the sharing that was done this past few days was amazing and I felt that many other people might resonate with the experiences and emotional responses and the insight of this amazing group of people that I call my family.

Love D






R: I'm having a very difficult time straddling both paradigms right now. I have a number of things that I "have" to do before I bug out of town a week from Tuesday, and I just can not seem to motivate to get them done - they feel completely uninspiring to me. I know that inspired DOing is important, I know that "all" we have to do is shift gears into that space of singing the song of our hearts, yet I am at a loss for how to do so. I think the biggest rub for me right now is in my own expectations. I have always had high standards for myself, and often not been able to really "live up" to them (particularly related to how long it should take me to do a project and what quality of work I can get done within that time frame). I hate letting people down, particularly if I have explicitly promised them something, and I hate letting myself down even more than others, even though I seem to set myself up to do so rather frequently. *sigh* I feel so ready for the shift to be here, yet I feel at a loss as to how to move towards it. I am afraid to fully believe any time frame, or to commit too fully to a change because I am afraid that I will just end up letting myself down in an even bigger way.

I know too much to throw in the towel and go back, and I don't feel like I know enough to move forward. I'm tired of being on the edge, on the fringe, at odds in my views with most of the people I interact with in person on a regular basis. I'm tired of surrounding myself with a shell to "protect" myself, and yet scared stiff of letting that go.

I am caught, suspended, waiting, wanting to ask my inner/higher self what I should do next, and scared of the answer, scared of what or who I might need to let go, scared that what I will hear is not that higher self, but my ego, my pride. I'm scared that I will find that I'm a fake, a "loser", "unworthy", or worse.

I've been a social outcast all of my life, and I have managed to "deal" with that internally, without resorting to any substances. I have taught myself how to stay pretty up beat, and even managed to be somewhat "mainstream" for awhile. I learned how not to care too much what other people thought, and even to pretend that I did not care at all, that rejection by my peers did not hurt.

I read about all the different symptoms that folks in here are experiencing, and find that I am not aware of experiencing most of the physical symptoms. I can talk the language, and I have an "analyitical" understanding of what is going on with the energetics, yet I can't seem to apply that knowledge in the way that I interpret it "should" be done. At the same time, I have had a good friend of mine sense me sending energy immediately after she asked me to, yet I was not conscious of doing it at the time or even after it in any way that felt "real".  I feel at times like a fake, a phony, a fraud. I have always wanted to think that there is something "special" about me, in that there is something more than the flesh and blood vehicle and that I am capable of far more than society and culture tells me I am. At the same time, I find that I tell myself that such thinking is just my ego talking

 The above was written as "stream of thought/consciousness" while sitting here having a good cry (it's been a while). Thank you all for your blessings of light in my life. I love you all more than I can express. (hug) (heart)


 "I have a number of things that I "have" to do before I bug out of town a week from Tuesday, and I just can not seem to motivate to get them done - they feel completely uninspiring to me."


D:I soooo feel this too!  christmas is coming and I have NO christmas spirit- it's not that i'm being a scrooge, but I literally do not care at ALL about this christmas and just keeping up the holiday for the childrens sake is almost exhausting my patience/will

 "I am afraid to fully believe any time frame, or to commit too fully to a change because I am afraid that I will just end up letting myself down in an even bigger way."

My friend.... so don't commit to a time frame or to any external change.  Live for you YOU, and BE and DO in what resonates with YOU in that moment.

D:  As I said above, I just cannot find even the slightest will to get excited about christmas- not for myself or the kids or anyone.  In this I perceive that I kNOW the irrelevancy of DOing christmas- the unimportance of it. I feel unable to set up schedules to do anything beyond the daily type stuff..... because it doesn't resonate with me.  Is that my consciousness saying "bah!  never mind, it's not important any way!" ?   I think so.  I would rather sit quietly and play lego with my kids than do anything else in this moment- because then I just BE, and relax.

Don't worry about letting others down in this moment- focus on you and that focus will absolutely draw to YOU what you want and need to do.   Focusing on what others want you to do, impairs you from BEing YOU.  so just BE.

"I'm tired of being on the edge, on the fringe, at odds in my views with most of the people I interact with in person on a regular basis"

D: .This is what I call the detachment of perception.  detaching from the people who's perception you do not resonate with.  In this moment people are being pulled together, there is almost a magnetic attraction that pulls the like minded together- for the acceptance of BEing.  To be fully accepted and loved for BEing WHO you ARE.  All those relationships that disallow that are quickly fading.  And either relationships are rebuilt under a new understanding and kNOWing of the deep acceptance of  you BEing you, or they seemingly begin to fade away

 ...... hmmmmmm..... I think i sense an article coming on

"scared that what I will hear is not that higher self, but my ego, my pride. I'm scared that I will find that I'm a fake, a "loser", "unworthy", or worse."

That is the fear that you are working through. (heart)  the energetics right now bringing to the surface all that we need to "work on", all the inner turmoil that we need to SEE for what it is and then accept or detach from it, according to what we feel. but FEEL in Resonance.

"I can talk the language, and I have an "analytical" understanding of what is going on with the energetics, yet I can't seem to apply that knowledge in the way that I interpret it "should" be done."

My friend, never EVER think that the way I think/see/feel experience, is how YOU should think/see/feel/experience (heart)  your journey and path are your own, and only YOU kNOW what is inside you or what your path is.  What I experiences as physical sensation or emotional stimulus, is how I have CHOSEN to experience that.  You have chosen your own experience and follow your own path.  I'm not Right.  You are not Right.  They are not Right.  It's the perception of your own journey that is truth to YOU.

"I feel at times like a fake, a phony, a fraud."

I can guarantee that every person in this room has felt that way at some point (heart)

"I have always wanted to think that there is something "special" about me, in that there is something more than the flesh and blood vehicle and that I am capable of far more than society and culture tells me I am. At the same time, I find that I tell myself that such thinking is just my ego talking"

No my love- that is your conscious mind telling you the TRUTH of who you BE.  You ARE special!  You ARE capable of far more that society allows to you think possible.  your inner turmoil is the argument between your kNOWing mind/consciousness that sees past the veil and the lies, and the brain/ego that tells you that you're being ridiculous, you cant' possibly be "important".
My friend R, you are so strong and so amazing!  Crying is the release of energy necesary to go forward, to accept the next step on your journey, and to cleanse the spirit of the doubts that you kNOW inside are the shackles you tie yourself too.

We love you my friend.

I want to turn this around for a moment because your thoughts on this really illuminate to me in this moment.  If I was the one that came into the room and said:
"I have always wanted to think that there is something "special" about me, in that there is something more than the flesh and blood vehicle and that I am capable of far more than society and culture tells me I am. At the same time, I find that I tell myself that such thinking is just my ego talking"......

.... what would you think?  what would YOU say to ME?   This is an honest question that I am asking you to think about and answer from your heart.

 H: R, Love....you DO sooooooo beautifully!  And all of you sending LOVE to R and the collective!!!  YOU ALL DO SOOOOOOOOOOO MAGNIFICENTLY!!!!!!!!  Thank you for inspiring I and stating what is in collective heart so eloquently NOW as all inbodyments make the final clearing for....THE FINALE! 

....I love you and return in kind.  ALL WAYS.  ALWAYS. (heart)(hug):*

K: R.  Allow others to be who they are.  I noticed you used the word "afraid" several times in your comment.  I have been there.  When I first discovered all of the truths that are associated with "waking" I tried to tell my family and friends about all of what I had learned.  It caused a great deal of stress between myself and those I love.  I was told to go see a doctor.  I was laughed at.   My wife almost left me and so on.

I learned that it is not my responsibility to wake anyone.  We are all on our own paths.
Find peace within yourself.  Be who  you BE, and let others BE who they BE.

"I learned that it is not my responsibility to wake anyone.  We are all on our own paths.
Find peace within yourself.  Be who  you BE, and let others BE who they BE."


H:(quiet whisper) yes

K: It's all about energy.  Find peace within R and the positive energy that you create will project outwardly, impact others, the illusion, the collective consciousness.
War and hate and fighting won't change the world....LOVE is the only way forward.


G: D, when you say DOing is this DOing, what we love DOing in what ever capacity that makes us the most powerful, peaceful and happy? Like just DO what makes us happy?

D: yes, exactly (sun).  when you BE YOU and you DO what makes you happy and what your heart tells you, even screams at you to DO.... you will be happy.  It just flows.


F:  holy shit I just read D's comments on R comments. I FEEL you R. OMG I have been going thru the same things esp the past few days. There is something in the air for sure my friend. You said it all so much more eloquently than I could. Thank you. THANK YOU.  (heart)

"I don't know what is going on today.....I have been so emotional."

D: Look at the emotions as they come to you- do a self analysis of that emotion- be it anger, agitation, sadness,....- and ask your self "does this belong to me? - can you see where it came from? if it's not internal, not YOURS, then know that you're moving through that for someone(s) else and helping them.

I've had fits of agitation so strong today, then deep sadness, then happiness...... none of it is mine, so I released it and moved on.

The biggest balancing thing you can do is to see if it's YOUR  emotions.  when you realize it isnt' yours, you can look at it and let it pass through you without "owning" it.  M said it to a friend of ours yesterday -  don't take on what's not yours, don't hold onto what's not yours- if it's not yours, then you let it go without taking it personally.


N1: such good guidance for me right now. thanks D!  im an emotional mess these past days. More tears than anger, alot of deep painful sadness.  This situation with the little boy who is my sons thai brother, has really tipped me upside down emotionally.  It hit home how fragile life is. One moment all is great, the next something can happen to dramatically change that.  The mother aspect of me is freaked out!


O:  (message) To Heather yesterday: Hi love! I have a great sense of being done. Can't barely be on fb or the internet at all. I've learned the difference between 3D love which was confined to a few and "5D" love were you love a extended family of many souls with different depth of love. This is an experience I have right now connecting with another being on the deepest levels simultaneously with other beings. Not to be mixed with intimacy which is another sacred agreement which go side be side with the non physical but is not limited to it. When we start to love more people than today the love will spread exponentially thus the peace on earth. I'm done and ready for the FINALE - TY Heather for reminding is of who we truly are. (heart) I love U dearly.

O:  Her answer: I love you tooooooo, O!  So many are writing to me saying the same thing today...started today....I AM SO IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THE ABSOLUTE PLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (inlove)


R:  "What do I kNOW?" I know that we are more than flesh and blood - that the flesh and blood is a tool, and nothing more. What we are is far greater, like a person with a sock puppet on their hand is much greater than the sock puppet. What the sock puppet can do is limited only by the imagination of the person wearing it.

We are spirit, soul, LOVE. We are each a part of the infinite, and we are each infinite in our own right (yes, there are different scales of infinities). The only limits are those we choose for ourselves, whether consciously or not.

Society/culture has it all wrong, pretty much bass ackwards, when it comes to how this world works. We are all facets on the same diamond, points of perception in the same mind, the same data matrix. We all reflect each other. We are here to grow, to expand, to explore new territory, not stagnate and follow someone else's path or achieve what someone else has already achieved. We are each unique, not interchangable parts in some machine, but as individual as the patterns of ice crystals in snowflakes. We are all part of a greater whole, of several greater wholes, each one larger than the last, until you get up to the ultimate whole of ALL THAT IS. Yes, we are a part of that one, too. We are not separate, we are so tightly woven together that we can no longer see the threads. We all know it, we can all sense it. That is what we truely are, not what society tries to tell us we should think ourselves to be.

Getting the desire to know to outweigh the "but what if I'm 'wrong' " fear is the trick. *chuckle* Every time I have tried a visualization meditation for "meeting higher self" or other aspect of consciousness that is not my brain, I have always hit a blank wall, and I sense that it is that fear that does it. :) I'm working on it...

M: Agreed R! I can say this with confidence however, if it weren't for the lovely people here and some In other rooms as well, I would not be anywhere as close to those answers as I am, and aware of how the fear is the great deceiver.

T: Ha, that's where your (our) family comes in… we are taking each other home…
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real
so, nothing to fear. When you look fear in the eyes, it disappears. It's a chicken (no offense to chickens)  (chuckle)


"Every time I have tried a visualization meditation for "meeting higher self" or other aspect of consciousness that is not my brain, I have always hit a blank wall, and I sense that it is that fear that does it. :) I'm working on it"

D:  ...Orrrrr..... could it be that you ARE your higher self?  Could it be that you ARE eternal essence and that by looking for a "higher self"- looking for something quasi-external, looking for something "higher" than you, to answer your questions, you hit a blank wall that is in fact a mirror to show you that YOU already kNOW the answers to your question?

Would it help to know that I've never EVER managed to do one of those "meet your higher self" type meditations?  To know that every time I've asked my "higher self" to answer something, I've been met with a resounding silence?  For a long time I thought that I was broken- that there was something intrinsically wrong with me because I couldn't find that place/person/enlightenment that everyone kept telling me I HAD to find.....  then I realized that it's all inside of ME anyway.  I didn't "need" to find my "higher self" in a field of flowers, that I didn't' "have" to get to that calm place of silence to kNOW what I needed to kNOW.

Once I gave up trying to be able to do what everyone else told me I should/would/could do and be, and I just focused on BEing me and DOing what my heart told me to DO.......  then it just flowed.

S: omg D that's SO  BEAUTIFUL and SO TRUE (inlove) (heart)


"Ha, that's where your (our) family comes in… we are taking each other home"

D: … I would say it more like "we are helping each other to realize that we are already home".

This sense of "family" that we have here and in other places, is , in my opinion, the drawing together of those that are "HOME" already.  There is a great comfort, a HUGE sigh of relief when you are WITH people that accept you fully and completely for who you BE and love you and love what you DO- completely without conditions.  In that moment you realize that THIS is what LIFE is about!!!

 "I have always wanted to think that there is something "special" about me,..".
N: Here is the thing. This question is part of the self doubt programming that all of us in here are overcoming. It is a very damaging perspective. I havecome to realize that yes indeed, we are all VERY special. The problem for some is getting lost in the question and going back and forth with a sort of obse3ssion in the answer. Accept that you are special and that there 'is no spoon'. Forget the question and BE special. DO special things.
 Forget the question. Wring as much love and enjoyment as you can out of every moment of now. Love is more contagious than a yawn!

"What we are is far greater, like a person with a sock puppet on their hand is much greater than the sock puppet. What the sock puppet can do is limited only by the imagination of the person wearing it."

D: how about this analogy:  YOU are the person.  The sock puppet is your meatsuit that YOU control.  So searching for your "higher self" is pointless, because YOU ARE your "higher self".  You BE YOU.  YOU BE I.  the sock puppet is just the physical manifestation of YOU.  You are not the sock puppet, you are YOU.

"Forget the question and BE special. DO special things."

D:  I would say:  Just BE and DO and that IS "special"- all things "special" come from you BEing YOU, you BEing I, and DOing what your BEing calls you to DO!

N: Good point!!

N1: thats brilliant D thanks !  these conversations are deepening my understanding of I, which for me is very important in this moment.  i was feeliing a bit lost on this one lately i have to admit.

R: A couple of days ago, I was really playing with the concept of what reality is, along the lines of Morpheus' line "Reality is electrical signals interpreted by your brain". Seeing our eyes and other senses as projectors interpreting the data matrix, creating the hologram, including our bodies. I'm thinking that challenging very basic beliefs in this way was part of what brought on my first outpouring ^^^^^^^^^^^. I am continuing to play with this kind of thought, and observing the world through this lens. It really does put a whole new twist on what we have been presented with by "the world around us" (though from this perspective, it isn't there... (facepalm) (rofl) ) Hmm. Quite the ride down the rabbit hole! (rofl)


"Seeing our eyes and other senses as projectors interpreting the data matrix, creating the hologram, including our bodies."

G:Then this IN-body-ment was plugged into this so called projection of the Matrix that was presented/programmed from a source outside of I; and until such time as I have taken responsibility of I and am ready to reprogram the Matrix to what ever I want IT TO BE.............. in this Moment of NOW.....

G: I AM, I, ME, Eternal Essense, The SEERER, The WATCHER, The PROGRAMMER............... as Heather would say...... I Love The Absolute Plan.

A: for this inbodiment at this moment of NOW it has BEen a journey of LOVE. Denial of love, deception of self, judgement of my perceptions have acted as tools of duality. I AM I has the opportunity in each NOW moment to act anew. I BE conscious and aware of my programmed response as it no longer serves me. I DO acknowledge my ignorance, I thank the universe for an opportunity to BE LOVE in every NOW moment. I accept all as reality, as a thought IS a creation of LOVE. I no longer dismiss or disqualify any possibility as it IS a creation of Source. If I AM to deny any possibility then I AM to deny what IS. The illusion I see creates the reality I live. My interpertation of what IS feeds back to the ONE and creates for me a reality that I have created for myself. If I stand in judgement of my creation I cannot BE in gratitude for the opportunity, and I may miss the moment of connection to Source. I AM I absent limit. This IS ABSOLUTE truth to me. I LOVE this NOW moment and express gratitude for the experience to Know who I BE, and that what I DO  from this moment to infinity IS LOVE.... All IS LOVE (sun)(heart)(heart)(sun)

Z: Today's conversation very much brought me back to something I wrote on January 17 of this year. I hope you guys will take a few minutes to read it, as I feel it to be more relevant today--and particularly this conversation--than even when I wrote it...as then, I believe I was just beginning to grasp it...

http://ascendinlove.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/there-is-no-separation-we-already-are-everything-we-desire-to-experience/

N2: I have definitely been drifting in and out if 3D lately. In the past, so many have offered advice on how to 'ground' yourself when you feel ungrounded. I now think the time for that is shifting. I think when I feel ungrounded, it is now time to let go and let it go. By grounding, I feel like I am fighting against the higher frequencies. Lately, this ungrounded feeling is drastically stronger than before. I am extremely dizzy, off-balance and my vision blanks. I am beginning to think that if I stop fighting it and indeed if I 'work with it', the new, higher frequencies will start coming into focus. I think that will be truly living in this moment of NOW!  (inlove)

D:  Nick and I read your comment together and we both agree with you.  I try when I can, to sit back and allow the energy to flow.  doesnt' always work, lol- like getting hit with it while washing dishes or cooking, lol, but even still I always take even a brief moment to sort of acknowledge it- love it I guess would be the best way to say it.

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